Crap jokes thread

[tavdy79]

yeah, i was just being silly

Totally. I mean, you're only a scientist - what would you know?

[tavdy79]

Gay Pride T-Shirt

Oh my GOD someone managed to design something in *pink* that I actually like! WTF?

[baldmosher]

Tavdy you're supposed to keep that place a secret

[tavdy79]

Iran's executions of LGB people isn't simply murder or massacre, it is genocide. It is an intentional attempt to wipe out all LGB people. So what does the Home Secretary have to say about it?

The Home Office does not think that Iranian asylum seekers who identify as gay or lesbian should automatically be assumed to be at risk if they are returned, according to Home Secretary Jacqui Smith.

In a letter to Lord Roberts of Llandudno she said that there are "cases where people able to demonstrate a need for international protection" but that there is not enough evidence to support a moratorium on deportations to Iran.

The letter, published in The Independent, is bound to cause anger among gay groups who claim that as many as 4,000 gay and lesbian people have been executed in the country since the Islamic Revolution in 1979.

"We do not … accept that we should make the presumption that each and every asylum-seeker who presents themselves as being of a particular nationality or sexuality, regardless of their particular circumstances, should automatically be … allowed to remain in the UK," she wrote.

"With particular regard to Iran, current case law handed down by the Asylum and Immigration Tribunal concludes that the evidence does not show a real risk of discovery of, or adverse action against gay and lesbian people who are discreet about their sexual orientation."

Omar Kuddus, an activist who campaigns for gay and lesbian asylum seekers, told PinkNews.co.uk:

"Homosexuality is not accepted (in Iran) and the state kills and punishes those guilty of being gay.

"To say that homosexuals are safe as long as they are discreet and live their lives in private, is to say that Anne Frank was safe from the Nazis in World War Two as long as she hid in her attic, there is no difference.

"Homosexuality shall never be acceptable in Iran as long as the Ayatollahs and Sharia law is in place."

In March the government was accused of being more inclined to believe Iran than human rights groups on the issue of how gay people are treated in that country.

The Gay and Lesbian Humanist Association spoke out after a Home Office minister in the Lords said:

"We are not aware of any individual who has been executed in Iran in recent years solely on the grounds of homosexuality, and we do not consider that there is systematic persecution of gay men in Iran."

In 2005 Iran sparked international outrage when it publicly executed two teenage boys.

Mahmoud Asgari and Ayaz Marhoni were hanged because according to the regime they were rapists, however gay campaigners insist the boys were killed under Sharia law for the crime of homosexuality.

Gay rights campaigner Peter Tatchell claimed that a year-long investigation into this case revealed that the regime's allegations against the two hanged youths, Mahmoud Asgari and Ayaz Marhoni, were riddled with contradictions, implausibilities and outright lies.

At first it was claimed by Iranian officials that they were aged 18 and 19.

The best evidence is that both youths were aged 17 when they were executed and therefore minors, aged 15 or 16, at the time of their alleged crimes.

"The execution of Mahmoud and Ayaz conforms to a pattern of state torture and murder of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people by the Iranian clerical regime," said Mr Tatchell.

20 year old Makwan Mouloudzadeh was executed in December 2007 for a homosexual offence allegedly committed when he was 13.

"It is worth repeating that we have concerns about the treatment of gays within Iran," Lord West, a former First Sea Lord and Chief of the Naval Staff, told the House of Lords in March.

"However, in the one case that we looked into, because it was shown on television (Mahmoud and Ayaz), we found that two young males were hanged because they were found guilty of raping a 13 year-old boy.

"They were hanged for the offence of rape.

"We have no evidence of anyone we have sent back being executed, and we would never send someone back who we felt was in danger of being executed.

"That is our position with any country in the world; we just do not do that."

Earlier this year MPs, MEPs and more than 60 peers successfully petitioned the Home Secretary to reconsider the case of Mehdi Kazemi, a gay teenager from Iran claiming asylum in the UK.

Mr Kazemi, now 20, was studying in England and applied for asylum after his boyfriend was arrested and reportedly executed in Tehran.

The boyfriend named Mehdi as a homosexual, and police turned up at his father's house with a warrant to arrest him.

His asylum application was unsuccessful in the UK, so Mehdi fled to Holland. The Dutch authorities ruled he should be returned to the UK.

The Home Secretary was widely praised when Mehdi was given leave to remain.

The Chairman of the Conservative Party's Human Rights Commission has added his voice to the chorus of criticism of Jacqui Smith after she claimed that gay people are in no danger in Iran as long as they are "discreet."

Stephen Crabb MP said that the Iranian regime's record of brutality towards sexual minorities is "dreadful" and the Islamic nation regularly uses torture and the death penalty.

Ms Smith, the Home Secretary, said in a letter to Lib Dem peer Lord Roberts of Llandudno that in Iran "the evidence does not show a real risk of discovery of or adverse action against gay and lesbian people who are discreet about their sexual orientation."

Mr Crabb said that most "fair-minded people" will be appalled by her comments.

"The Iranian regime has a dreadful track-record when it comes to the treatment of homosexuals and other minority groups and is more than willing to use torture and the death sentence to punish offenders.

"Asking minorities to live their lives discreetly is to give in to the tyrants and bullies who sustain their positions through fear and coerced conformity.

"It demonstrates both an unelevated view of the importance of human rights and cowardice in championing our own system of values."

The Green party has also criticised her and attacked the "macho posturing" of the Home Office.

Phelim Mac Cafferty, media spokesperson for LGBT Greens said:

"Jacqui Smith is playing a dangerous game with the lives of Iranian LGBT refugees: effectively she's trying to rubbish the argument that LGBT people are being persecuted for their sexuality in Iran.

"Her claim that as long as people are "discreet" a regime notorious for its treatment of LGBT people will somehow stop persecuting them is misled at best and homicidal at worst.

"Instead of this macho posturing from the Home Office on keeping asylum figures down, we desperately need a Home Secretary prepared to look the Iranian regime in the eyes and stand up for what’s right for LGBT people."

Stonewall chief executive Ben Summerskill had praised the Home Secretary earlier this year when she reviewed the case of Mehdi Kazemi.

The 20-year-old was due to be returned to Iran, where he claimed his boyfriend had been executed and police had a warrant for his arrest on homosexuality charges. He was given leave to remain in the UK.

Today he told The Independent:

"You only have to listen to people who were terrorised by the Metropolitan Police in the 1950s and 1960s to know that telling gay people to live discreetly is quixotic."

Respected human rights groups such as Amnesty and Human Rights Watch have documented scores of cases of Iranian gay men and lesbians being targeted, and sometimes executed, for homosexual behaviour.

Campaign group gayasylumuk called the Home Secretary's comments outrageous, shameful, inhumane and anti-gay and called for protesters to target the Prime Minister and the Labour party.

"We hope that gay and lesbian Labour voters in particular will consider changing their vote if the policy isn't changed before the next election," said spokesperson Paul Canning.

"This is one way to get the message through on their hypocrisy regarding lesbian and gay rights issues — when embassies in other countries are flying the rainbow flag they aren't doing this in Tehran, Kingston or Kampala."

In 2005 Iran sparked international outrage when it publicly executed two teenage boys.

Mahmoud Asgari and Ayaz Marhoni were hanged because according to the regime they were rapists, however gay campaigners insist the boys were killed under Sharia law for the crime of homosexuality.

At first it was claimed by Iranian officials that they were aged 18 and 19.

The best evidence is that both youths were aged 17 when they were executed and therefore minors, aged 15 or 16, at the time of their alleged crimes.

In March Lib Dem peer Lord Avebury drew to the government's attention the case of Makwan Mouloudzadeh, a 20-year-old who was executed in December 2007 for a homosexual offence allegedly committed when he was 13.

Last year information was released by the Foreign and Commonwealth office regarding the execution of gays in Iran.

The documentation took the form of correspondence sent between embassies throughout the EU and dates back as far as May 2005.

It refers specifically to the case of Mahmoud and Ayaz.

It also shows that although the two boys may not have been executed solely because of the homosexual aspect for the crime, the punishment was carried out "before all legal means to avoid the execution had been exhausted."

A further conversation between a Parliamentary Union and the Iranian Majles (legislative body) in May 2007 showed that "according to Islam gays and lesbianism were not permitted. He [an Iranian representative] said that if homosexual activity is in private there is no problem, but those in overt activity should be executed."

According to the transcript he initially said "torture" but changed the wording to "execution."

He also argued that "homosexuality is against human nature" and that "humans are here to reproduce. Homosexuals do not reproduce."

According to Iranian human rights campaigners, more than 4,000 lesbians and gay men have been executed since the Ayatollahs seized power in 1979.

To see the full transcripts of the FCO documents click here.

[baldmosher]

Why would you go to the trouble of executing two teenagers live on TV and then tell the public that it was for the crime of rape, and not the supposed actual offence? That seems bizarre.

There's nothing to stop Iran making homosexuality a criminal act punishable by death if they want to, it's their country, but from the sounds of it this is all a big load of hoohah. 4,000 killed since 1979 and they can only come up with 2 slightly tenuous cases as evidence?

They execute a lot of people in Iran for a lot of offences.

Mark Thomas told us a nice story about some gays he met in Dubai that pretty much backs up what the Home Secretary (and Iran) is saying. (Yes I know Dubai isn't in Iran.)

[baldmosher]

I was supposed to get £10k paid to me on Friday - part of the remortgage deal which means I would 1. be debt free at long last, and 2. own my own house outright.

I got a phone call at 11am saying I wouldn't get the money that day. Turns out the deeds to my house (#52) also includes the freehold to #44. Nobody mentioned this when we bought the place originally. Nobody noticed it until Friday. I am a little peeved about this, but also slightly chuffed that I got more for my money than I had bargained for!

So, another week or two of delays while this gets sorted out. It's been going on since January so another two weeks ain't the end of the world. Hopefully I'll get my money before Glade otherwise I will be absolutely skint

[tavdy79]

Woohoo! Great news baldmosher.

In other news, I think I've found the perfect two-word argument in favour of eugenics: Jade Goody.

[Slypsy]

innit

Shame the Nazi's made eugenics so unfashionable

In the immortal words of Jimmy Carr - "Even the gene pool needs a little chlorine"

[tavdy79]

You've heard of Death By Chocolate?

Well here comes Extermination By Chocolate!

[WaveyRaveyDavey]

You know, it's all true what they say about bald men!