Crap jokes thread

[baldmosher]

I was supposed to get £10k paid to me on Friday - part of the remortgage deal which means I would 1. be debt free at long last, and 2. own my own house outright.

I got a phone call at 11am saying I wouldn't get the money that day. Turns out the deeds to my house (#52) also includes the freehold to #44. Nobody mentioned this when we bought the place originally. Nobody noticed it until Friday. I am a little peeved about this, but also slightly chuffed that I got more for my money than I had bargained for!

So, another week or two of delays while this gets sorted out. It's been going on since January so another two weeks ain't the end of the world. Hopefully I'll get my money before Glade otherwise I will be absolutely skint

[tavdy79]

Woohoo! Great news baldmosher.

In other news, I think I've found the perfect two-word argument in favour of eugenics: Jade Goody.

[Slypsy]

innit

Shame the Nazi's made eugenics so unfashionable

In the immortal words of Jimmy Carr - "Even the gene pool needs a little chlorine"

[tavdy79]

You've heard of Death By Chocolate?

Well here comes Extermination By Chocolate!

[WaveyRaveyDavey]

You know, it's all true what they say about bald men!

[tavdy79]

I want your opinions guys:

A friend of mine has just taken his partner Rich, who is profoundly deaf, to A&E with an eye injury. They arrived at just past 6, but weren't seen until 10.30, by which time there was no opthalmologist available, so they now have to return tomorrow. While they were in there a number of people came in with minor injuries - cuts and bruises and the like - all of whom were seen immediately; Rich didn't even have his eye cleaned.

If Rich loses sight in his eye, which I'm told is possible, his ability to communicate will diminish - he relies on a mixture of BSL, lipreading and written English - and as a result he will find life much harder.

Am I right in thinking that, as a disabled person who relies on his sight more than others, his case should have been prioritised?

[baldmosher]

I want your opinions guys

Am I right in thinking that, as a disabled person who relies on his sight more than others, his case should have been prioritised?

I don't know but it depends on the nature of the injury, surely? I'm assuming we're talking something more serious than a bit of grit?

It's possible that an untrained doctor could do more harm than good so I can understand if that's why they didn't want to treat it, but I'm surprised none of the A&E doctors were able to diagnose and at least offer first aid. I would be asking why you were kept waiting until the ophthalmologist had gone home (if ever there was one)!

The triage system was supposed to eliminate issues like this but I've probably not been to A&E for about 10 years so I'm not sure if it's still used!

[josie1409]

So im bored at work and all i can think about is how sunny it is out there and im stuck in the office but its ok cos the next 3 weeks are festival glore for me so all we have to do now it pray to the sun gods tell the rain to go away and get your party hats on and get messy!!!

(but no so messy that you go a bit or have to use the porta loos more than needed )

Wheeeyy heeey for festivals!

x

[baldmosher]

Dear Sirs,

The battery you sent me is a counterfeit item. It does not have the same appearance as official Sony batteries and my phone comes up with the message "Alien battery". The battery does charge, and seems to work ok, but the phone has switched itself off once.

I understand this may be a genuine oversight so I do not intend to report this to the police and I assume that you will do so yourselves and seek an explanation from your suppliers.

Please arrange a full refund immediately. If you also wish me to return the item to you, please send me an additional £2.70 to cover my costs of returning the item.

Yours faithfully

Do you think that demand is fair enough?

[Twist]

seems fair enough, it's polite but gets the point across.

[tavdy79]

Bad Joke Alert!

What do you get if you cross an MP3 player with a gay Swedish furniture salesman?

iQueer

(they get worse )

[baldmosher]

Further update:

hi, would you please return the item for refund if you don't want the item? Thanks.

I'm happy to return the item, as long as you agree to refund the additional cost of postage and packaging.

However, I would then be left without a working battery, and I am going on holiday for 2 weeks from Monday, so I would not be able to purchase a replacement or send the item back until my return.

Please let me know if this is agreeable, if so I will post the item to you as soon as I get back to the UK.

Regards

Win.

[Sperge]

Dear Sirs,

The battery you sent me is a counterfeit item. It does not have the same appearance as official Sony batteries and my phone comes up with the message "Alien battery". The battery does charge, and seems to work ok, but the phone has switched itself off once.

See, Slypsy? ALIEN BATTERY! What more proof do you need? The troof is out there.

[baldmosher]

+1

Turns out they're claiming that because I didn't notice the battery was fake until 2 weeks after purchase, they can't give me a refund

Watch me.

[WaveyRaveyDavey]

+1

Turns out they're claiming that because I didn't notice the battery was fake until 2 weeks after purchase, they can't give me a refund

Watch me.

I'm sure eBay would be interested to hear of fake items being sold on the site after the squillions of pounds they've just fined...

[baldmosher]

News I don't know about I'm afraid

[WaveyRaveyDavey]

News I don't know about I'm afraid

'eBay, was ordered by a French court yesterday (monday) to pay €38.6m euros in damages to the luxury goods group LVMH for negligence in allowing the sale of fake bags, lipsticks and designer clothes.'

I'm sure the mention of 'fake goods' in the right ear would bring about a speedy conclusion to your problem!

[baldmosher]

The dude has offered me a £2 refund to settle the issue which is fair enough but I'm not even arsed about the money so I'm just gonna shaft him instead as he's still selling the fake batteries and he clearly knows they're fake.

I've already left negative feedback. I reported him to eBay and Paypal, as the police advised me to do ("eBay will then contact trading standards"). I went to Paypal first but their process was a bit shoddy, however, eBay's process was simple and straight to the point.

I'll see what happens! He might even give me the £2 refund which would be a bonus

[joe_techno]

*token message*

[joe_techno]

*and another....*

[tavdy79]

America really is mad!

The law in question is one of many US laws which were put in place to prevent interracial marriages, so at its heart is bigotry.

[baldmosher]

Tavdy, with the greatest of respect, do you ever post anything that ISN'T about gays?

[tavdy79]

Occasionally.

I do tend to cross post stuff here that I've found on the other forums I use, and since they're both gay forums...

[WaveyRaveyDavey]

Sperge is probably gonna be really upset with me.....

[WaveyRaveyDavey]

But I just wanna....