Crap jokes thread

[Sperge]

These utterly unfunny "ooh look at me, I'm telling jokes about rape, I'm so shocking and radical I am" posts only serve to reinforce my point.

[baldmosher]

© Mel Brooks 1974

And for my next trick, I'll quote all Richard Pryor's jokes as well.

I know the script off by heart




What's funnier than a dead baby?























..
















..














A dead baby in a clown suit!

I'll get my coat.

[Sperge]

What goes backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, and screams?

[joe_techno]

What goes backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, and screams?

i don't know, but didnt u just say...

These utterly unfunny "ooh look at me, I'm telling jokes about rape, I'm so shocking and radical I am" posts only serve to reinforce my point.

however i still want to know... go on...

[joe_techno]

infact i can imagine this is going to be completely unoffensive now iv said that..

[Sperge]

Joe, the answer is "a baby on a bacon slicer".

It's nothing to do with rape and doesn't contradict my previous statement. We've moved on to general sick jokes now, apparently.

[joe_techno]

not that i have any problem with it, infact i absolutely love horrific humour, but it does kind of fit under the ''I'm so shocking and radical I am" category in the same way as the rape thing i reckon.

[baldmosher]

What's red and screams?



















..












..





















A peeled baby sitting in a bath of salt

Sick baby jokes are only funny if you forget that this sort of thing has probably happened to a baby somewhere in the world.

[Sperge]

not that i have any problem with it, infact i absolutely love horrific humour, but it does kind of fit under the ''I'm so shocking and radical I am" category in the same way as the rape thing i reckon.

Ever heard the expression "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em"?

Not that what you "reckon" on what "kind of fits" is at all important to me anyway. I don't find rape jokes funny, although I do sometimes find other sick/tasteless humour funny. So sue me.

[joe_techno]

can i actually sue you? i've always wanted to sue some one, plus i could do with the extra cash

[tavdy79]

What's red and screams?

.............

A peeled baby sitting in a bath of salt

Sick baby jokes are only funny if you forget that this sort of thing has probably happened to a baby somewhere in the world.

I thought it was a baby in a blender...

[leah]

I don't find rape jokes funny, although I do sometimes find other sick/tasteless humour funny

no, i don't really either. i suppose it would be easier to laugh if it happened as rarely as babies are peeled or put on bacon slicers. (as it is it's depressingly common and really easy to get away with).

and if we had a proper think about the issue of prostitution (if you bought the consent, it's not really consent).

(that probably makes me a po-faced dungarees-wearing feminazi)

[baldmosher]

What runs faster, a woman with her skirt hitched, or a man with his trousers down?


somebody stop me

from telling rape jokes, I mean, not from running with my trousers down

[leah]

somebody stop me

[baldmosher]

somebody stop me

I'm trying to think up a new joke involving Radio 2 and Ipswich, but I'm struggling.

[baldmosher]

That would be a good routine for stand up.

I'm stealing it

[baldmosher]

You'll have to find the owner first. I'm not in touch so good luck

[ferg]

having read only the 1st and 22nd pages of this thread, please accept this post as both a contribution to it and a protest against it.

[tavdy79]

I've just been told by a friend in Texas that the US Postal Service has brought out a new set of stamps featuring prominent lawyers.

Unfortunately people can't decide which side to spit on.

[tavdy79]

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

[Sperge]

I've eaten alligator meat. And yes, it tastes "like chicken".

[Beatmonkey]

I've eaten alligator meat. And yes, it tastes "like chicken".

I've had crocodile, wild boar, kangeroo and buffalo steak's all on the same plate and they all tasted like mushroom sauce and balsamic vinager. Fucking gastro pubs with expensive ingerdients and wanky chefs.

[Sperge]

When on a Louisiana swamp tour, I quite enjoyed looking an alligator in the eye while eating an alligator sandwich. Wonder if he realised while looking at me as dinner that I was eating one of his cousins?

[baldmosher]

He probably did realise - they're smart, these alligators. You probably put the fear of Godzilla into him!!!

I've eaten crocodile and I too thought it tasted like dry chicken insofar as it was white meat, quite non-specific in flavour, but a bit less stringy. Frog's legs have the same texture and I find that monkfish and shark meat are similar too.


I just had to write an email to Hai Quynh Tran in Vietnam. I had to resist starting with

"O Hai,"

[Sperge]

I just had to write an email to Hai Quynh Tran in Vietnam. I had to resist starting with

"O Hai,"

He probably lives in fear of a Hai coup...