Crap jokes thread

[Sperge]

This thread has been set aside for all those crap jokes and pointless posts that don't merit a thread of their own.

Mods may helpfully merge such threads into this one if you don't do it yourself.

[admin]

[tavdy79]

*hic* nope, that eighty-fifth dram was not a good idea...

[Beatmonkey]

ADMIT IT THOUGH, I'VE BEEN REALLY NICE AND MADE AN IMPROVEMENT, HAVEN'T I?

MAYBE I'LL COME TO THIS GLADTALK THING AFTER ALL.

Hahahahaha have you had warnings from the management too? (Grammer nerds, one o or two in that to?)(Oh and anotherone from grammer nerds; to capitalise at the begging of parenthesis or not to capitalise at the begging of parenthesis?)

[tavdy79]

ADMIT IT THOUGH, I'VE BEEN REALLY NICE AND MADE AN IMPROVEMENT, HAVEN'T I?

MAYBE I'LL COME TO THIS GLADTALK THING AFTER ALL.

Hahahahaha have you had warnings from the management too? (Grammer nerds, one o or two in that to?)(Oh and anotherone from grammer nerds; to capitalise at the begging of parenthesis or not to capitalise at the begging of parenthesis?)

In order: two, you do, there's a gap between the words "another" and "one", the question is "for" not "from", it's spelt "grammar", and tell me - how do you beg a parenthesis?

[davemac]

You're ALL asking for a bloody good telling off in my opinion.

What do you think this if for? FUN?

(Capitals at the start of parentheses, my arse).

But where does the fullstop go - outside or in?

[Beatmonkey]

In order: two, you do, there's a gap between the words "another" and "one", the question is "for" not "from", it's spelt "grammar", and tell me - how do you beg a parenthesis?

Both those last ones were genuine typos. Please enlighten me as too why it needs the second o, whats the rules surrounding this extra letter adding madness? And I wasn't asking for a spelling nazi, spellchecker does that for me, I just thought I'd engraciate myself to you language snobs by useing some feild specific lexis instead of simply saying brackets.

[tavdy79]

Please enlighten me as too why it needs the second o, whats the rules surrounding this extra letter adding madness?

Find out how to pronounce "ghoti". That will tell you all you need to know about logic and the English language

[admin]

Find out how to pronounce "ghoti". That will tell you all you need to know about logic and the English language

Fish innit.

[buzzingtalk]

DYSLEXIA CRU

[davemac]

to /tu; unstressed tʊ, tə/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[too; unstressed too, tuh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–preposition 1. (used for expressing motion or direction toward a point, person, place, or thing approached and reached, as opposed to from): They came to the house.
2. (used for expressing direction or motion or direction toward something) in the direction of; toward: from north to south.
3. (used for expressing limit of movement or extension): He grew to six feet.
4. (used for expressing contact or contiguity) on; against; beside; upon: a right uppercut to the jaw; Apply varnish to the surface.
5. (used for expressing a point of limit in time) before; until: to this day; It is ten minutes to six. We work from nine to five.
6. (used for expressing aim, purpose, or intention): going to the rescue.
7. (used for expressing destination or appointed end): sentenced to jail.
8. (used for expressing agency, result, or consequence): to my dismay; The flowers opened to the sun.
9. (used for expressing a resulting state or condition): He tore it to pieces.
10. (used for expressing the object of inclination or desire): They drank to her health.
11. (used for expressing the object of a right or claim): claimants to an estate.
12. (used for expressing limit in degree, condition, or amount): wet to the skin; goods amounting to $1000; Tomorrow's high will be 75 to 80°.
13. (used for expressing addition or accompaniment) with: He added insult to injury. They danced to the music. Where is the top to this box?
14. (used for expressing attachment or adherence): She held to her opinion.
15. (used for expressing comparison or opposition): inferior to last year's crop; The score is eight to seven.
16. (used for expressing agreement or accordance) according to; by: a position to one's liking; to the best of my knowledge.
17. (used for expressing reference, reaction, or relation): What will he say to this?
18. (used for expressing a relative position): parallel to the roof.
19. (used for expressing a proportion of number or quantity) in; making up: 12 to the dozen; 20 miles to the gallon.
20. (used for indicating the indirect object of a verb, for connecting a verb with its complement, or for indicating or limiting the application of an adjective, noun, or pronoun): Give it to me. I refer to your work.
21. (used as the ordinary sign or accompaniment of the infinitive, as in expressing motion, direction, or purpose, in ordinary uses with a substantive object.)
22. Mathematics. raised to the power indicated: Three to the fourth is 81 (34 = 81).
–adverb 23. toward a point, person, place, or thing, implied or understood.
24. toward a contact point or closed position: Pull the door to.
25. toward a matter, action, or work: We turned to with a will.
26. into a state of consciousness; out of unconsciousness: after he came to.

too /tu/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[too] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adverb 1. in addition; also; furthermore; moreover: young, clever, and rich too.
2. to an excessive extent or degree; beyond what is desirable, fitting, or right: too sick to travel.
3. more, as specified, than should be: too near the fire.
4. (used as an affirmative to contradict a negative statement): I am too!
5. extremely; very: She wasn't too pleased with his behavior.
—Idiom

two /tu/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[too] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation,
–noun 1. a cardinal number, 1 plus 1.
2. a symbol for this number, as 2 or II.
3. a set of this many persons or things.
4. a playing card, die face, or half of a domino face with two pips.
–adjective 5. amounting to two in number.
—Idioms6. in two, into two separate parts, as halves: A bolt of lightning split the tree in two.
7. put two and two together, to draw a correct conclusion from the given circumstances; infer: It didn't require a great mind to put two and two together.

God, I'm bored...

[davemac]

How can you detect a faggot bull?

Or, more to the point, are you American?

[Sperge]

Or, more to the point, are you American?

It's worse than that, Dave, he's an Essex Man.

[Beatmonkey]

Please enlighten me as too why it needs the second o, whats the rules surrounding this extra letter adding madness?

Find out how to pronounce "ghoti". That will tell you all you need to know about logic and the English language

Isn't it pronounced fairly similar to rhote? Or am I thinking of something else?

I'm bored of grammer now.

[baldmosher]

Correct usage of parentheses:

The postman died in 1996 (but his donated organs are alive to this day).

The postman died in 1996. (His donated organs are alive to this day.)

The former is preferable wherever possible and in the above case could be seen as unnecessary fragmentation.

Situations such as:

The United States were judged to have committed twelve atrocities in 2003. (In fact, it was initially thought to be fifteen but three could not be proven.)

would be more acceptable.


English can't be wrong, just some ways are more right than other ways.
English cannot be wrong, but some ways are more correct than others.

[Sperge]

Please enlighten me as too why it needs the second o, whats the rules surrounding this extra letter adding madness?

Find out how to pronounce "ghoti". That will tell you all you need to know about logic and the English language

Isn't it pronounced fairly similar to rhote? Or am I thinking of something else?

I'm bored of grammer now.

No, it's "fish".

George Bernard Shaw made up the word "ghoti" to illustrate how irrational some of the spellings in English are.

He made it up like this:

* the gh = f as in rouGH
* the o = i as in wOmen
* the ti = sh as in naTIon

[baldmosher]

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

[bongobil1]

no money no money no money aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddd no wiskey wiskey nowiskey nooooo wiskey
*you can't see it but im doing my no money, no wiskey dance next to a empty bottle of rebel yell having just downed my sorows*

[Sperge]

WTF?

[Beatmonkey]

Apprently grammer isn't enough to hold the youth of todays attention, odd that.

[Sperge]

Apprently grammer isn't enough to hold the youth of todays attention, odd that.

Neither is spelling, it seems.

And as for punctuation, let's just not go there.

[Beatmonkey]

My wriiteing, my rules.

[Sperge]

There goes the next Educashun Secreatry.

[davemac]

Correct usage of parentheses:
.

cheers mate, that's cleared that up.

Are you Lynne Truss's secret love child?

[Beatmonkey]

There goes the next Educashun Secreatry.

Damn right, its all about the three r's, reading riteing and rthmatic.